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Why Your Generation Sucks

Intergenerational hatred is at an all-time high. Boomers hate millennials and Gen Z. Gen Z hates boomers. Millennials hate boomers. Gen Z hates millennials. It's a circle jerk of loathing and disgust.

Therefore, let's get equal opportunity beatings for everyone. That way, nobody feels left out! Here's a description of why your generation sucks and will ruin the country for good.

Silent Generation

You guys are pretty nice to be around. It's just the xenophobia, Fox News, and older music that makes you all hard to deal with. You're basically a nicer version of the generation before you. You just tend to hide your hatred and bigotry a little better. You also have Jerry Jones in your generation, and we all know how insufferable he can be.

Baby Boomers

How is it that most of our political seats are taken by your generation? You assholes want to control the zeitgeist of everything American: Leave It To Beaver as a good show (it's not), the Beatles as a good band (they're not), and Ronald Reagan as a good president (he wasn't). There's nothing you dickheads don't want to control and everyone's sick of your shit. Why is it that you idiots act younger than your age? Learn to let it go and hit the retirement home, you old wankers. You want to tell us how much easier it was back in your day, with college and housing being cheap. Okay, boomer. Take your nonsense elsewhere and hit a treadmill. You pricks jacked up the housing market, put this country in a bunch of debt, and have zero self-awareness and accountability. One other thing that bothers me is the whole "I'm experienced" crap. Does it really matter if you have all this experience in one job and you're completely sabotaging it? Tony Massenburg spent 18 years in the NBA and was a journeyman. No MVPs, no All-Star appearances, nothing. He didn't do anything in the NBA and neither do you. I hope you're taking notes on this, "Sin City Eddie". Boomers are the Tony Massenburg of generations, only they talk more shit and act tough when they're not. Speaking of which, boomers are responsible for the worst human being alive: Donald Trump. He's the ultimate embodiment of your generation: dumb, nostalgic, and a tough talker. He acts with little regard for others and puts his needs before everyone else. It's no wonder many of you are far-right conspiracy-loving douchebags! No better spokesperson for a generation of assholes and sociopaths than No. 45!

Generation X

Does anybody ever think about Generation X? They always seem like an afterthought since nobody pays attention to them. Still, most of you are responsible for raising a bunch of TikTok-consuming idiots. Elon Musk is also a part of your generation and he's keen on burning Tesla to the ground. On top of that, he's taken a weird turn for the worse lately with Twitter. He's essentially ruined it to the point that it's barely fun to use. You're also responsible for two-thirds of the Kardashians, i.e. people that are famous for absolutely no reason. Oh, and you guys also have Kanye West in your generation. There's no bigger clown in the world than Kanye. While Gen X has produced some great masterminds that are responsible for societal advances (i.e. Google), you guys also have a TON of duds. Y'all gotta start taking some responsibility for some of these screw-ups.

Generation Y

There are a couple of cultural crimes that my generation has committed. First, they love Disney too much. When I say love, I mean LOVE. Like singing "Under the Sea" a million times and creating alternate versions of beloved Disney characters on Instagram and DeviantArt. You can also add going to Disney World or Disneyland hundreds of times every year. Your unhealthy obsession and devotion to a corporation are frightening. You devote more time to drawing pictures of Halle Bailey than you do trying to change America's systemically racist system or other glaring flaws. Those pictures aren't going to help African Americans or minorities feel safe from dickheaded officers and terrible laws. It's like you idiots forgot the numerous atrocities the Disney corporation has committed, including underpaying its workers and their racist cartoons from the past (remember Song of the South?). At least Harry Potter fans called out J.K. Rowling for being transphobic. So many of these pricks will look the other way for their mouse overlord. Secondly, you guys are infatuated with the midwest too much. Seriously, what's with you assholes falling in love with cities like Detroit or Cleveland? Nobody cares about these places except you because you have too much student loan debt to live anywhere else. Therefore, you gotta move to the bottom-of-the-barrel cities because it's cheap to buy a home. My generation doesn't realize they have much more in common with their parents than they realize: nostalgia for the past, love for midwestern places, and claiming to change the world. One more thing: you guys are terrible show/movie writers. All the audience cares about is a good story and you take your dumb identity politics and muck everything up. You dolts think that representation in Hollywood matters. NEWSFLASH! It's not stopping innocent African Americans like Tyre Nichols and Breonna Taylor from getting murdered by the police and a systemically racist system in America. It's not stopping mass shootings from killing innocent lives. It's also not stopping slimy Republicans from taking away reproductive rights. Is this the change you're bringing into the world? We'Ll MaKe ThE wOrLd A bEtTeR PlAcE bY bEiNg IrOnIc AnD cHaNgInG tHe ChArAcTeRs FoR mOdErN tImEs. I'lL dYe My HaIr PuRpLe, ToO. SO ORIGINAL!

Generation Z

Your generation has the potential to be one of the greatest generations ever. You have a large voter base and you're politically involved in issues that matter. Half of your generation is the most chill group of people to hang out with. They're what makes your generation cool. However, you're also the most obnoxious group of people ever. You're the worst group of sore winners I've ever seen, prancing around like a bunch of cocky peacocks. You're also loud as hell, waking up sleeping people without any regard. It's hard to work with a generation that acts childish and demanding like yours. That's because most of you children are hooked on the bane of humanity: TikTok. This unholy app has amplified your narcissism and craving for attention to the maximum, wrought with stupid dances and physical features as personality traits. Seriously, I want to love you guys. But you make it incredibly hard for me to do so. You bully like the baby boomer generation while being technologically savvy like the millennial generation. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the new-age boomers in about four decades, with your egotism and lust for gratification in full bloom. One day, you're going to go through your midlife crisis and it's going to hit you like a train. You'll realize that you're not as cool as you thought and you'll blame the younger generations for it. You'll burn through your privilege and will be staring down the barrel of middle-age burnout. For you, it'll be a nightmare. For everyone else, it'll be the best case of schadenfreude ever.

Generation Alpha

You little turds already have the word, "alpha", in your name. Therefore, you're subjected to being berated and belittled about being too good.

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