Wait, there are more teams that annoy Jacob? Aside from those fixated on bad players and those that spend so little, there are more? Yes, there are. I'm going to talk about the teams that won't win anything no matter how hard they try.
Whether it's awful management (hello, Dan Snyder and James Dolan), teams that are cursed (hello, Toronto Maple Leafs and Detroit Lions), teams in an undesirable location (hello, Sacramento Kings), or teams that are just awful (hello, Buffalo Sabres), these franchises won't win anything in our lifetimes.
For some of these teams, their ownership sucks. Currently, Snyder is embroiled in a bunch of scandals that are bogging down the Washington Commanders' new story. Sexual harassment, run-ins with the Federal Trade Commission, and Snyder's utter lack of personality make the Commies a team destined for decades of misery.
The Lions have the same issue, only it runs in the family. The Ford family gave Calvin Johnson the cold shoulder, ordering him to pay back his $1 million signing bonus. There's also being the only NFC team to never make the Super Bowl and go 0-16 in a season. See why I root for the San Francisco 49ers (who have their own set of problems, by the way. The only difference is they have the Super Bowls and playoff team to show for it)?
There are other examples, including James Dolan throwing Charles Oakley out of the building while ordering an assault and Fred Wilpon being embroiled in a Ponzi Scheme. Speaking of these two, it seems that New York is the Jekyll and Hyde of sports ownership. There are winners (George Steinbrenner) and there are losers (Dolan, Wilpon). Even the Boss had a period of ineptitude before making the Yankees into a money-spending juggernaut.
Then, there are teams that are cursed. Back in the day, it was both the Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs that were plagued. That was before Theo Epstein brought World Series titles to these respective squads. Now, it's the aforementioned Lions and Toronto Maple Leafs that are the bearers of misfortune. Why are you rooting for these franchises when they won't even make it out of the first round?
Seriously, rooting for these teams is like swallowing a bunch of bleach every year. You have high hopes for your team, yet they'll let you down in the end. Even teams like the Dallas Cowboys are treading dangerously in this category, making them the jesters of the NFL.
For Toronto, they'll spend whatever they can to bring in big names like John Tavares. Their hopes are to create a killer lineup that'll hoist the Stanley Cup. However, it never works out since they get ousted in the first round. But for teams like the Lions or Cleveland Browns, they barely spend anything to bolster their roster. No wonder the Lions or Browns haven't made the Super Bowl yet.
But what about the teams in an undesirable location? Do you see any athlete wanting to go to... SACRAMENTO? We're in an age where going to the big or upcoming cities is the sexy thing to do. Nobody wants to go to the likes of Sacramento or Buffalo, just to be miserable there. Even the Rock wants nothing to do with Sacramento!
It's the same thing for midwestern teams excluding Chicago. Why would anybody want to go to the likes of Cincinnati? Their Skyline Chili's just diarrhea on a plate. Nobody's going to Indianapolis just to shoot heroin, either. I know what you midwesterners are thinking: "OH, IT'S NOT DAT BAD, DON'TCHA KNOW?" It's not bad... when you don't have a pile of snow and seasonal depression for half a year on you.
Finally, there are teams that won't win no matter what. The Buffalo Sabres and Sacramento Kings have the longest playoff droughts in their respective leagues, yet they've changed ownership. Buffalo is a bit surprising considering that Terry Pegula's actually a good owner. He's spending a ridiculous amount of money to make the Bills a Super Bowl team, so it should be the same thing for his Sabres, right?
Wrong. This franchise has been so bad that Jack Eichel went to Sin City and didn't debut for the Golden Knights until the end of winter. As for the Kings, they haven't done anything in ages, especially after being devastated by the Los Angeles Lakers a couple of decades ago. That franchise should've moved to Seattle when they had the chance.
Then, you have a team like the Los Angeles Clippers, who saw Donald Sterling get dumped out of the league. In comes Steve Ballmer and his clapping and dancing, along with Kawhi Leonard and Paul George. Despite all that, they can't even get to the NBA Finals. An array of injuries and Kawhi's neurotic ways led to their downfall.
Let's face it. It's near impossible for ANY of these teams to win a title, even with superteams assembled. A mountain of circumstances hang over these poor franchises, haunting them at any turn. I just want them to succeed without falling over their shoes! That's why I'm annoyed with these squads!